“As you may have ascertained by now. I have little desire to follow the tried and true, boring and solemn path to electoral disaster. I intend to say some very serious things, but I don’t see any reason to be funereal about it all. I must assume that the GOP prefers a candidate who is solemn but not serious over a candidate who is serious but not solemn. A candidate who is serious (as opposed to a serious candidate), as you well know, has no prospect of victory in American politics, so there is little danger of my being exiled to the District of Columbia. Still, the prospect of making new enemies is damned inviting.”                        — Professor John Frary

Some have wondered if I am a serious candidate. They must suppose because I am not the usual dreary root canal stuff people have come to associate with politics I must not be "serious". This just looks all too fun.

Reality check: All three GOP Governor candidates from 2006 have endorsed me. The immediate past Senate Minority Leader introduced me to the State Committee. I've sold off a major portion of my stock portfolio that I inherited from my liberal aunt (God rest her soul, and she must be rolling over in her grave right now) to launch the campaign, And I'm running better in the polls than any other challenger to Michaud at this early stage of the campaign.

And you'd like me to run a more boring and conventional campaign just so you can feel better about my chances. Just so I can look a little more like the other sacrificial sheep?

KENNEBEC JOURNAL/MORNING SENTINEL EDITORIAL: We've heard of sacrificial lambs.

But John Frary may be the first sacrificial tiger.

Frary, the former New Jersey professor who moved back to his native Farmington a few years ago, has announced he'll run for the Republican nomination to face U. S. Rep. Michael Michaud in November. Michaud has represented Maine's 2nd District in Congress since 2002, and has faced weaker and weaker opposition and grown his margin of victory to landslide proportions.

Now comes Frary, a character whose vocabulary is to Michaud's as a fine claret is to a warm glass of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

This is what Frary had to say about why he is running: "Nobody else is, and I thought that Mike Michaud, being an interchangeable part of Congress, might be vulnerable."

See what we mean -- that's a heck of a good line. Not just funny, but there's a lot of truth to it.

It's about time we had some candidates who said what they thought, and damn the consequences. But supporters be warned -- we know from experience (Frary was once a columnist here), he doesn't take direction well.

Frary's candidacy may not be great for the Republicans -- a loose cannon is fun to watch 'til it heads in your direction -- but he'll be a boon to reporters. Frary will be floridly candid, or candidly floral and, if you have a big dictionary handy, you can learn some new words. ”

SOLEMN VS. SERIOUS: How to Tell Them Apart

A solemn politician would sooner bite his own toes off than give a direct answer to a direct question. He loves foggy generalities and fears clarity like the Devil fears holy water.
A serious candidate treats his campaign as an opportunity to say thing he thinks needs to be said, and tries to say them clearly.

A solemn politician pulses with synthetic passion and likes to tell the voters all about it.
A serious candidate understands that passion is the characteristic of demagogues. rabble-rousers and boob-bumpers. When he thinks about passionate speeches, he visualizes Adolf Hitler.

A solemn politician is a self-centered egomaniac who "cares" about "the peepul".
A serious candidate admits he cares more about family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances than he cares about total strangers.

A solemn politician wears a perpetual frozen smile on his face like a cheerful village idiot, and if the smile ever slips, he has an adviser to remind him to reassemble it.
A serious candidate allows himself to look grumpy when he feels grumpy.

A solemn politician lards his speech with standardized words and phrases that focus interviews tell him make the voters’ hearts go pit-a-pat.
A serious candidate would rather cut his testicles off with a trowel than talk cants platitudes, and catch-phrases.

A solemn politician talks constantly about “fighting” for his constituents until you’d think the halls of Congress were bloodier than the streets of Baghdad.
A serious candidate admits that “fighting” for his constituents involves negotiating, compromises, wheeling, and dealing.

A solemn politician studies the polling data to learn how to lead.
A serious candidate regards infantile goo-googling as a higher form of human communication than polling responses.

A solemn politician pays large sums to consultants who design “strategies” assembled from a bag of tricks that would shame an organ-grinder’s monkey.
A serious candidate understands that most political “strategies” are worn-out jokes that have lost even their comic value.

A solemn politician gets up early to take credit for the sun rising.
A serious candidate does not claim that he designed the Internet, the wheel, or sliced bread.

A solemn politician publicly deplores negative campaigning while staying up late at night trying to figure the most effective way to attack his opponent.
A serious candidate visualizes a large bull’s-eye on his opponent’s trouser-seat.

A solemn politician understands that the ultimate method of negative campaigning is to accuse his opponent of negative campaigning.
A serious candidate frankly acknowledges that negative campaigning is the only entertaining aspect of modern campaigns.

A solemn politician lives in fear of offending organized “Victims” who are professionally indignant.
A serious candidate rejoices in the lamentations of perpetual whiners.

A solemn politician talks boldly while timidly avoiding every difficult issue.
A serious candidate speaks softly and tracks hard issues like a good cat tracks a rat.

A solemn politician feeds on popularity like a cockroach feeds on garbage.
A serious candidate leaves his yearning for popularity behind with his adolescence.

A solemn politician expresses his “compassion” by proposing to spend other people’s money.
A serious candidate respects Mencken’s Law: “When A proposes to help B by plundering C, then A is a scoundrel".

A SERIOUS CANDIDATE RIDICULES ALL THESE FRAUDS. SERIOUS CANDIDATES MOSTLY LOSE ELECTIONS, BUT FIGURE THEY’VE WON A VICTORY IF THEY ESCAPE A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN WITH THEIR SELF-RESPECT MORE OR LESS INTACT

Cheers! John Frary